pissed

fuck this shit. i am fucking sick of last minute changes in this fucking place, once or twice i don't mind, but on a near fucking daily basis? its too much, is it too hard to plan a day or even a few hours ahead of anything? not everyone can fucking get around everywhere at any freaking time they want. all this last minute shit is a fucking waste of time, effort and money, and recently a lot of mine. i've lost count of how many times this happened in the last few days. get organized, fuck last minute changes or cancellations. if any plans that involve me are at a maybe, fuck it, don't bother, i'm tired of disapointement and frustration.

it's strange, no matter how much i've convinced myself that i'm over it, deep down, when the moments appeared, i got lost. the same way i got lost all those months ago. can't believe the feeling is still there. doesn't change anything though, knowing this. but its good, to know at least, not sure what to do, probably nothing.
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a lot of people have left for UK recently, all the best to all of you, hope we see each other again in the future. Australia goers, there's a uni exhibition at sheraton on the 16th of this month.
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day in, day out, round about the same routines, same mindset, i am in need of something different.
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apparently i am about 7% fat. that has to be some kind of error, i'm sure i'm not lacking that much fat.
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random ramblings~ and

Selamat Hari Raya
forgive me for anything and everything i've done.

later days~

i would like to say

fuck everything

what should i do?

tell me please, i'm listening

what am i doing?

should i wait for you? i don't know anymore. i've been waiting for months, should i have been? i don't know anymore. why did i wait? i don't know anymore...

do you want me to wait? i don't know. should i? i'm probably not going to anymore...unless...

why is it so hard for you to just say 'hello'? i can't even have a regular conversation with you anymore. you always disappear from my life, but never from my thoughts. i try to take any chance i get just to see you, but what do you say? 'we'll see', yet as i write this you're out with other guys. why is it so hard for you to tell me anything? i don't mind whatever you do, but i do want to know, maybe not all the time, but still...

am i angry? am i jealous? am i sad? do i hate you? do i love you?
yes...to everything...

i invited you into my heart, and you told me i was in yours, did you mean it? i did...

i want to talk to you as soon as i can... but i'm guessing you'll just have to see won't you?

15 days..

'And then he'd ask all these penetrating questions about her...
because he was sincerely,if atypically, interested.

No.

No?

He'd be interested.
But he'd see that there was no way...
he could possibly make her realizethat he was for real.

Well, he could be funny and charming and refreshingly original.

Wouldn't help.

Don't you hate it when that happens?

Not really.
They'd both probably go onto lead the lives they were headed toward.
My guess is they'd do just fine.'

from the movie 'Hitch'.

in other words, try something new, but learn from experience, and never forget who you are, things will turn out better than you think. for a while i forgot.. but i'll carry on with a smile on my face.. just have to be myself =)

later days

18 days left

18 days left till my final exam of my final year of being a school student. i need to concentrate on this... but i just can't, why can't i motivate myself to do this. why am i trying to find myself instead of study. what a time to go through this. shit. i need to sort myself out.

later days